Today marks 3 months without my dad. While it seems like it's been forever since I've talked to him, it only feels like yesterday that he was giving me one of his biggest hugs. Hearing about the nightmare that took place on Friday in Newtown brought back the strike of pain I felt on September 17th, only this time I had some sense of comfort knowing these children will have my dad to help take care of them.
The places you find comfort and the things you look forward to are much different than ever before. I still have moments where I forget he's gone and I pick up the phone to call him. I still wake up thinking we'll chat on my way to work. I still think this Christmas won't be any different than years past and we'll go for a drive at night, with the snow falling, and we'll toast our cups of hot cocoa to a very Merry Christmas.
I continue to ask myself, "I wonder what I'll feel like at the 6-month mark, the 1-year, and as far away as it sounds ... the 10-year mark?" But then I have to remind myself, like the parents of those children taken too soon on Friday, you might not get 10 more years. You might only have today.
I guess what I'm trying to say on a day where I can only think about my dad is to hold those close who are in your lives and the memories they bring. This Christmas I know I'll shed some tears and shake my head at the year I've had, but I'll also know I'll be looking around at my family and realizing all that still surrounds me.
Newtown, I feel your pain and heartbreak. It hurts and it doesn't get any easier, but just know the days keep coming and new memories can still be made. Sending all my love through this dark time.