Happy Friday! This weekend's celebration of Father's Day comes as a relief, yet another tough reminder of everything that's happened this past year. Over the course of these last 9 months, I've heard "the first year is always the hardest ... you have to go through the first this and that without him." To those I've heard this from and those who are in the same boat as I am, it's true. To say I've wanted to speed through this year is an understatement. I've wanted to stop time, yet also fast forward through all these holidays.
The irony behind this Father's Day is that this will mark the last holiday of my "1st Year" without him.
Last year, I remember wanting so badly to be with my Pops on this weekend. Looking back at what I wrote,
see here, tugs at my heart. This year, I would say the same thing and again ... I wish I was with him.
A good friend of mine lost her dad a few years ago and we've had the
chance to talk a lot about the ride you're forced to take when you lose a
parent. She's helped me endure this ride and given some of the best
advice. One thing she recommended to keep doing is celebrating the
holidays the same way you once did with him. If you stopped for ice
cream, get a double scoop. If you went for a drive, find the longest
road and turn up the music. If you sent him a card, find the perfect one you'd want to give him.
Friday Fav - Happy Father's Day
Pops,
You used to read this blog more than anyone I knew. If I was too busy to answer my phone, you would come here. Whether I was writing about my favorite nail polish or being homesick, you knew about it. You were the best listener and always had my back. This weekend, I plan on having lots of conversations with you. I hate that I can't hear you, but I'm hoping you've been able to stay updated on everything and you've even had a chance to come here.
I wish God would give us a break and let us hear each others voices. I wish we could find the perfect little ice cream hut and order our favorite treat, 2 vanilla cones, please. I wish we could get in your pickup, crank down the windows, and drive. I wish we could play the question game (you're still my favorite player). And this weekend, I wish I could get off a plane, quickly walk past the security gate, and see you. Whenever I would come home, this is where you were smiling ear-to-ear. Whenever I had to leave, this is where you were giving me the biggest hug. It hurts to think this is the last place I saw you.
Because this Father's Day is my first one without you, I'm going to celebrate you just like I did on your birthday. I'm going to call you (you know what I mean), tell you how much you mean to me, and most likely b*tch about something in my life.
Pops, I miss you more than I ever thought was possible. I can't believe we're hitting the 9-month mark and I can't believe we can never go back to what we once knew. I'm so glad this is the last big day I need to get through on our first year without you. I can't believe you won't be here for all of the things we once talked about - getting married, having kids, picking up Nugget, buying my first house, finding your retirement home (ha you know I wouldn't put you in one), taking care of you when you got older, and everything else in between.
I hope you're having the best time up there, being able to catch up with everyone, finally able to hit the snooze button, and still enjoy the taste of a vanilla cone. You were and always will be the best Dad out there. I love you and miss you so much.
Skidamarinkadinkadink,
Sweets
P.S. For all of you amazing readers who have been with me on this journey, thank you! Thank you for listening and reading to everything I've had to say. These last few months have been so hard, but coming here to write has helped in more ways than you'll know. And if your dad is still here, please give him the biggest hug and take in the longest conversation. You'll look back one day and remember how he felt and what he said. You'll need this memory :)
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